Driving Again

Driver Fitness and Monitoring Main Floor, Twin Atria Building Room 109, 4999 – 98 Avenue Edmonton, Alberta T6B 2X3

January 21, 2019

Jerald W Blackstock

RE: Alberta Driver’s Licence Number: blah blah blah

Dear Jerald Blackstock:

This will acknowledge receipt of your driver’s medical report on January 18, 2019.

Based on the medical documentation submitted, I am pleased to inform you that I have granted approval for your continued operation of a motor vehicle in the Class 5 licence category with the Condition Codes A (adequate lenses), Q (airbrake endorsement) and S (school bus endorsement) with an expiry date of September 2, 2024.

Please present this letter to any Alberta Registry Agent to have your driver licence term adjusted to your birthdate in 2024. Your cooperation in attending to this matter on or before March 18, 2019 would be appreciated.

Please be advised that registry services may be denied if this letter is not presented as verification of this decision for processing your licencing services.

Please keep in mind that should you experience any changes in your health that may affect your ability to drive safely, you are required to notify this office.

Thank you for your patience during the review of your file. If you have any concerns regarding this matter, please phone me, toll free by calling the Government Rite Line at 310 – 0000, then dial my phone number at


Yours truly,

Reviewing Officer

Driver Fitness and Monitoring

Katie Melua On the Road Again. – YouTube

Well, I’m so tired of crying
But I’m out on the road again
I’m on the road again
Well, I’m so tired of crying
But I’m out on the road again
I’m on the road again
I ain’t got no woman
Just to call my special friend
You know the first time I traveled
Out in the rain and snow
In the rain and snow
You know the first time I traveled
Out in the rain and snow
In the rain and snow
I didn’t have no payroll
Not even no place to go
And my dear mother left me
When I was quite young
When I was quite young
And my dear mother left me
When I was quite young
When I was quite young
She said “Lord, have mercy
On my wicked son”
Take a hint from me, mama
Please don’t you cry no more
Don’t you cry no more
Take a hint from me, mama
Please don’t you cry no more
Don’t you cry no more
‘Cause it’s soon one morning
Down the road I’m going
But I ain’t going down
That long old lonesome road
All by myself
But I ain’t going down
That long old lonesome road
All by myself
I can’t carry you, baby
Gonna carry somebody else
Songwriters: based on Tommy Johnson’s 1928 song “Big Road Blues – https://en.wikipedia.org/…/On_the_Road_Again_(Canned…

Graphic Design

I like design that isn’t grid based, so that means its organic, so that means its reduced to one of the fundamentals, so that means it’s an abstraction, emphasizing one element and reducing the rest. Grid based organization of pictorial elements is fascist and over authoritarian, such as ‘best practices’ nonsense for web and print design…such as typing in this little box…

Lawyers Hate Me

Rembrandt, The Prodigal Son in the Tavern, a self-portrait with Saskia, c. 1635, Gemäldegalerie, Dresden

Never mess up a good memory with the facts. My lawyer wrote a book. I have lifetime training and practice in speed reading, and I read the story of his life in 15 minutes in his waiting room. Less really. There was no imagination, just an accounting. It was like reading a spreadsheet.
He offered me a free copy and when I said no thanks I’ve already read it, he didn’t believe me. I said I prefer creative descriptive writing, that takes hours to savor and enjoy and re-read just for the pleasure of the words. I could look at Rembrandts feathers all day long… Steinbeck could take 3 pages to describe a drop of dew on a leaf…and I could read your entire life in less than 15 minutes. There is nothing to hold the eye or capture the imagination. You are a very interesting guy, I said, you should learn how to write.
Lawyers hate me. QC’s despise me.
My wife went law school, I went to art school.
The sex was dry and mundane, worse than the nurse but not as bad as the engineer. 50 shades of blah. I liked the part where you moved, then smiled and kissed me back; we laughed with joy, in my imagination.
I was more in love with Rembrandt’s wife than my own.
At least the divorce was free.


I met you at Deb’s and Maddi’s. Early 80’s. I was fresh out of a narcissist du jour, Betty, who had dumped me, a serial dumper, a psych nurse, for an abusive angry engineer. She wanted to marry her father and finally gain his approval, and live happily ever after.
Being in such pain and vulnerable, when you bombed me with love, I was smitten. I couldn’t believe one as beautiful and talented as you could love me, sleep with me. Instantly. The fairy princess.
I didn’t know that it was all an act of your needing approval, any approval, in a storm of self hate and then hating the ring bearer of your addiction.
Convinced, I thought you liked me, I mean I believed you, a passable actress, but it was a script learned well to gain only applause…the usual temporary transient sordid solution; the love junkies delema.
Good until the next fix. Serial installments in a storm of instant love.
Overvalue, undervalue, dump, rinse, repeat.
Any poet in a storm, baby.

Dog Town

I live in a very conservative, orderly, and authoritarian city. I make art about it, and have studied it all my life. The residents are typical fascists, who like dogs because they are predictable, obey commands and are orderly, friendly and are ‘good for something’.
Friendly fascists who are stone cold killers, who start wars, they like wars, and the orderly authoritarian military in charge. In other words they suffer from a deep anxiety, as all bullies do and the cognitive distortion, “others must do the right thing or they deserve to be punished” like the dogs mentioned previously. More consequences of that notion here: http://www.rebtnetwork.org/library/musts.html
I paint the world around me that has been stripped of life and colour by folks like this and notions they suffer from, and impose on others.


““What’s the use of falling in love if you both remain inertly as-you-were?” Mary McCarthy asked her friend Hannah Arendt in their correspondence about love. The question resonates because it speaks to a central necessity of love — at its truest and most potent, love invariably does change us, deconditioning our painful pathologies and elevating us toward our highest human potential. It allows us, as Barack Obama so eloquently wrote in his reflections on what his mother taught him about love, “to break across our solitude, and then, if we’re lucky, [be] finally transformed into something firmer.”” – https://www.brainpickings.org/2016/09/27/kahlil-gibran-the-prophet-love-marriage/

Total nonsense. Love is a choice. If we focus on how much love we are getting we lose sight on how much love we are giving. That is the transformation to a ‘better person’. We are made of thousands of characteristics. If I choose to ‘love’ (a meaningless word) 60% of yours and put up with the 40% I deem bullshit, then that’s a functional marriage because I am getting 60% of my satisfactions met. I prefer you have the following characteristics but only 60% are required because I’m not a damn perfectionist:
likes art
attractive to me
likes sex
internet savvy
mentally/emotionally reasonable health
good conversationalist
likes to dine out/coffee shop
likes exercise/gym
likes healthy food
frank conversation willing to compromise
has at least one strong interest
liberal at least
life long educated learner
Then I can choose to be engaged with you to a intimate degree. I choose to be in love. I choose to care about you deeply because it is self helping.
I choose to accept everyone unconditionally, because that is self helping as well, but I don’t choose to be intimate emotionally or physically with very many. In order to find safety and trust I refer to my list and hopefully 60% satisfaction is what I have found.

Old Dogs

Learning is a skill that improves with practice, like any skill. Older people have more chops, potentially, if there has been a lifelong interest in lifelong learning. I went to art school at 40 and watched 20 year olds drop out, I never did homework. I learned how to learn hanging in the library as a street kid, avoiding beatings. Took a speed reading course too, when I was a kid, there are several free ones on the net. Tutored kids at art school on writing papers, still do. An old dog/new tricks is a self defeating cognitive distortion (lie) that stands in for poor low frustration tolerance. Usually that means older people have untreated depression. But it is the same depression symptom at any age. I’m often frustrated with my limitations of stroke recovery, I just learn (there is that word again) to tolerate the frustration. With that learned skill I tolerated the frustration of learning MySql and Xampp to host my own servers and websites only to discover that the reason people find tech challenging to learn is because it is poorly written and engineered by people who submit low quality work in order to get paid faster, much like the framer of a house that doesn’t square his walls, saying fuck it let the drywaller fix it….welcome to the gig economy…don’t even get me started about how that plays out in medicine…not getting treatment in a busy hospital, fuck it let the community therapists fix it, only to find they are understaffed underfunded in community, so I go to gym and ask what is that machine for? how do I use it? I have things to do, I can’t afford to wait around for people to care for me, they have their own problems to fix…

I Sleep With Monsters

Recently I have met two women who have criticized my writing for being too hard on narcissists.
It’s true I don’t find the humanity in me rising up.
When I mentioned that I had one visit from narcissistic family to my hospital room, in 6 months, including Christmas, where I am the kind of guy that would go every night, I mean I have, the woman I spoke to couldn’t seem to feel what I felt.
I was doing something wrong by expressing this she thought.
I wasn’t being nice.
Wait till she hears about being prey for the monsters without empathy that lurk on dating sites…