Carol, my wife from a former time

The Love Bomber – Blackstock 2017
Carol, my ex-wife-rich-lawyer surfaced, donated 100 bucks to my gofundme. I had just, by chance, finished reading  A Shrink for Men by my favorite psychologist Tara, when it comes to the emotional fallout (devastation) of the lovely liars I have dated or married.
Why do they lie? Well, they don’t want you to find out who or what they really are. The same reason why they curtail any real communication.  So I fell in love with who they pretended to be, as I was supposed to. Then they get bored, and risk discovery, and leave. After having affairs, withholding sex, all the usuals, then blaming me for it, as they go out the door. Work on it, see a family therapist? No, I’ll commit suicide before I’ll reveal myself in any intimate or honest way.
A fellow I have never met, an artist on the internet, bought a print, 850.00 then donated 500.00 to my GoFundMe, and in comparison, here is my ex devaluing me, again, with a hundred dollar donation. It’s about her looking good, not about her helping me in any real way. She even sent it straight to my bank so she wouldn’t be seen supporting me, a further devaluation.
I spent the money on a pedi-mani-haircut-cabrides. Paying others to pretend to care for me, with money that was used to pretend to care for me.
Seemed right.
Add a little REBT:
What is the situation that you are upset about?
Answer: So. Carol, my ex wife surfaced, donated 100 bucks to my gofundme
What are the unhealthy negative emotions that you are experiencing?
Answer: depression, shame, embarrassment, hurt
What self-defeating behaviors would you like to change?
Answer: exercise avoidance, withdrawal avoiding social contact
What demand are you making about the situation?
Answer:  I must do well and win the approval of others or else I am no good. (Inflexible, Places unrealistic expectations on oneself, Over-concern with others’ opinion of oneself, Self-worth measured by achievement and popularity, Non-self-accepting)
Dispute: Where is the evidence that I am no good under any conditional acceptance, let alone those of someone covering their lies and promises broken.
Rational Belief: There is no evidence. I’m allowed to be a fallible human because I am. This is not a rating of me.
What are your new healthy negative emotions?
Answer: sadness disappointment regret
What are your new self-helping behaviors?
Answer: talking to strangers, asking for what I want, exercising
The poets say it best, my story:
The Boxer

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