Thowing Light on Things that Hide in the Dark

Hi Jill,
I mean it was nice how you treated me, on the phone, when I had a stroke. Compassionate and all. I really appreciate it. The money from Elephant Artist Relief was good, even though I qualified, what with credentials and all, and it is under regulatory supervision, being government grant money. Still, it felt like the old troubles had gone. You know, folks, mostly commercial artists, not talking to me, smear campaigns. Social bullying of potential friends. For example, Carol Greene according to Thayre Anglis, my new love at the time, said Jerald is hard on women you know, to her.
Thayre said that this was too hard socially, being in relationship with me, even though there wasn’t and never has been evidence to support that smear campaign, but she went to Carols every week to draw, and she didn’t want that kind of bullying directed at her.
I saw Carol visiting my show at Kava one day and I told her what Thayre said, asked her why she was intruding in my relationships. She apologized of course and acted very contrite but no explanation was forthcoming. Looks of hate when we cross paths, silent treatment. According to assertiveness training, an apology just means ‘don’t assert your rights to be treated honestly and fairly’.
So I understand the social anxiety, I mean Thayre never came back after that, what with being pre-disposed to bad anxiety attacks anyway.
It explains that when I invited you out for coffee to say thanks for your care and to get to know you better, as colleagues and friends that you didn’t respond. No answer is an answer after all, and I’m not a stalker, but I don’t understand why my work wasn’t included in your fund raiser, my application ignored and not responded to, and when I made my work available on-line as a fund raiser, why no mention of it was made publicly. That just seems mean spirited. Not to mention a sad loss to not promote a fund raiser for your organization just because my name is on it.
But. The really important questions are: why should we care what anyone thinks? Will they like us consistently, will we make a false step then be disliked? It’s a social slavery to be that anxious due to those who run a narcissistic smear campaign.
I chose these consequences of course. When confronted by alcoholic social bullies and threatened by them with ostracization there is only one solution, because who would want them and their pals as friends anyway. As Cris Cran said as part of my training at New Gallery, just tell them to fuck off. Still, the smear campaign is uncomfortable as it is meant to be.
I have a friend, whom I have never met, Cliff Eyland, who was recovering from a double lung transplant when I had a stroke. He bought a piece of my work, and donated over 500 bucks to my go fund me, and his family did similar, I have never met them either.
The local creatures never even said get well soon for fear of being the target of the same bullies who are smearing me.
The psychotherapist at hospital said this was really really common.
So. When the narcissist and her friends start the smear campaign after the dump (overvalue undervalue dump) its best to keep in mind a few things:
They hate us because our empathy makes them look bad.
Their likes and dislikes only describe them.
Similar to the person who spies against their own country, they are never trusted again, for the gossip and badmouth and smear.
A bad opinion cannot spread like wildfire, people make up their own minds, free will and power of choice.
Who cares if broken people like me or not?
Go find nicer friends.
Anyhow you were very kind to me in your note from Elephant Artists Relief and the very real compassion in your voice on the phone brought me to tears, and still does when I think of it.
For this I am very grateful.
Jerald

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