If I ask for empathy from folks, or am perceived to by being injured, simply walking into the gym recovering from a stroke for example, 50% of the population respond with hostility. Covert or overt. Sociopaths, borderlines, narcissists simply don’t have empathy. Their m.o. is that if it is asked of them, to deepen understanding and relationship, they leave in an anxious and hostile manner. In order to look good, they blame me for asking, or existing, then they smear. They had to leave its all my fault.
My family. I asked for family connection, close ties, and since they are not capable of creating adult relationships I’m scapegoated and they leave, throwing rocks. Being the youngest, with no functional parents, and no siblings with empathy, I was orphaned, and raised myself. Cold, alone, dirty, and hungry always wondering what is normal. I was forced to share a bed with a sibling who beat me daily physically and emotionally.
Eventually the siblings were removed by social workers to foster homes and I began to bloom. An interest in art, music, literature especially gave me top marks and honour rolls at school while being beaten after school by the kids of drunken trades people, chased home daily. I often took refuge in the library, where I found the staff had empathy at a distance, at least they didn’t judge my choices. From Steinbeck to Dr. Suess to Everything a Boy Needs to Know About Sex. I was researching ‘normal’.
So it comes as no surprise to me that since I wear my empathy, my concern for others, like all my emotions, on my face that I am hated for my empathy for they have none and it makes them look bad.They hate to look bad.So they attack going out the door.
So when I walk into the gym, limping and gaining satisfaction from caring for others, I am a target for their hostility.
The gym teacher suddenly becomes hosile when I ask for information. Is this machine in use? Lashes out, name calling, then complains about me tries to get me removed.
A patron who intrusively tries to help unasked and is rejected, no thank you, becomes anxious, doesn’t look good, lashes out. Well fuck you! Reported and asked to leave.
The management staff is pissed when it is pointed out that the parking for handicapped is full of ice, dangerous to walk on. Put offs abound. Finally the mayor is invoked at the city facility. Sent him a tweet. Meetings, inquisitions, are held, I invoke my qualifications in conflict resolution, my lack or attacks on others, my right to invoke my rights.
They offer to hire me, love bombing, but on a volunteer basis, I decline and suggest an invoiced professional rate, they decline, I go back to the gym, recovering from emotional attacks by their staff and the the ice they can’t seem to understand and clean from their handicapped parking. The building has existed since 1968 and they haven’t figured out it snows in the winter and the physically challenged, as well as everybody else, are mobility challenged and at risk on ice.
That would take empathy. Managers aren’t known for it, many are there just to look good.
Eventually I’ll be dumped and smeared, now that the love bombing has started on a management level. Overvalue, undervalue, dump, smear. In the meantime I’ll explore my options and get lots of exercise.
The REBT psychotherapy viewpoint is that they are that way so they should be that way. Accept accept accept. My mechanics viewpoint is to just turn up the music and ignore the defects that either can’t be fixed or too expensive to fix.
I seek satisfaction watching crazy folks run around in their underwear staring at themselves in wall to wall mirrors. And good earbuds.