A Figment Of My Imagination

I met a woman at a coffee shop, lovely chat, then a series of impromptu meeting chats, a trade of contact details, sent a request to get together for a future coffee-rant, then… nothing. No answer is an answer.

That woman appearing to be honest, open, unconditionally accepting didn’t exist.
I know that anyone I have met who has done a lot of yoga doesn’t unconditionally accept anything, particularly physically, they must, should, absolutely have to, be liked and accepted physically, or they see themselves as pieces of garbage. So what are the chances that they will have unconditional acceptance, without pity, of a guy recovering from a stroke? What are the chance they will unconditionally accept themselves?

What existed was someone who claimed to want to get together but really didn’t know how to say it wasn’t her cup of tea, or coffee as the case may be. Physical ‘perfection’ being a condition of the relationship deepening exercise, I imagine.

A woman recently said to me, Jerald, I don’t see you as handicapped at all, but she want to sell me new age woo woo products, seeking victims at the gym.

Some like to see themselves as good people, so they will condescend to chat with the handicapped, but really it is fascism, like a Hitlerian religion, good works must be done under strict conditions. I once joined a church and at Xmas time I asked several members if I could join them Xmas day, being a recent widower and a lifelong orphan, feeling vulnerable. Talk to strangers, asking for what you want being the assertive pillars of taking responsibility for getting needs met. All refused, including the minister. Travelling, was the usual put off of statistical improbability.

I absolutely must perform well and win the love or approval of significant others or else I am an inadequate and worthless person.

Is there any evidence that I am inadequate and worthless?

No, there is no evidence at all. Other peoples likes and dislikes only describe them.



I feel disappointed sad and annoyed, the consequences of being lied to. I will continue to talk to strangers and ask for what I want, rejection is part of life and becomes less painful the more I face it.


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