she said she would contact me for coffee
people have a right to change their minds
people have a right to be liars and con-artists
devastation is a choice
liars lie because they are liars so they should lie
based on evidence
no response is a response
There is only one of me.
I am a unique individual, one of a kind.
Therefore I have value,Whether I am young
Fat or thin
Tall or short
I accept myself as a unique work of art
Person of limitless possibilities (I think of Steven Hawking, wheelchair bound, immobile, scientist, professor, husband and father if I happen to contemplate my `inability’ to create satisfaction in my life)
Because:I am always in this process of change
Therefore:I cannot be a finished perfect`Anything’ (Insert label here [if you must])
This imperfection (by definition) has no bearing whatsoever
On my `value’ or `worth’
I have value or worth because I am a unique one of a kind piece of very fine constantly evolving art that has perhaps not existed before and perhaps may not again
And in my mind, so are you.
So I take pleasure in you, simply because I want it,
A real Treasure.
So, living alone with my cat, I woke up confused, my arm and leg sometimes working In that moment I lost my home, my cat and everything I owned, including friends/family that wouldn’t even visit in the coming months. 1/
But I had rebtnetwork.org taught to me on facebook by a guy dying of liver cancer and not upset about it . If it is to be it is up to me.OK then. Paddy Johnson @artfcity suggested a gofundme Cliff Eyland @CliffEyland bought a print and he donated as well 2/
this got my possessions into storage and coffee money and kept my cell phone going. my facebook and twitter friends I had never met but like me donated. so I wrote 2 books on a tablet in the hosp coffee shop each morning before physio. my narcissist fiance never showed once 3/
so I learned about female narcissism https://shrink4men.com/ and wrote about my experience of it. my single mother was one so I had raised myself in the library, lonely and anxious always and here life was repeating, I was in trouble and alone, but the same tools I could read 4/
write and learn. So I did. So I am. Since the stroke didn’t affect my cognitive functions I was able to search out psychological help, and the hospital gave me physical help. 5000.00 a day for a bed, nurses, 4 specialists, physio, for 6 months and 3 months outpatient at unknown 5/
cost. Recently a twitter writer bought my book and offered to review it in trade for reviewing hers. So I did. She described mine as self pity and couldn’t understand the personal history format I learned from reading the New Yorker mag. No empathy for any loss but hers 6/
If it is to be it is up to me, If I were to be heavily reliant on others, rather than appropriately so, teachers, mechanics, doctors etc I would not like myself or my life. This my responsibility, to create satisfaction, this is the purpose of life to find satisfaction 7/
For instance an attractive woman sidles up to me in the grocery, I am pushing a cart, my cane is obvious, a wedding ring on her hand. Oh you poor man! in a seductive tone, how can I help? 8/
Help? I don’t obviously require any, she must be in this to look good, uh ok what are your feelings on adultery, I ask? Offended that she should be seen as fucking less than the most physically able specimen, she leaves with an awful look on her face. This makes my day 🙂
“Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is the life & work of its creator, Dr. Albert Ellis, Ph.D. Central to REBT’s teachings is the ancient psychological insight of Epictetus, who said, “What disturbs men’s minds is not events but their judgments on events.” That idea helped REBT become both an effective, evidence-based psychotherapy and a philosophy of living.” – Will Ross rebtnetwork.org
OK then. I’m at the transmission shop, having just given the owner $6500.00 and my car is leaking oil, again. Still. All the O rings, whatever they are, have been replaced blah blah blah, mechanics bullshit, and it turns out they didn’t tighten the oil plug.
Then, looking at my cane and stroke affected arm, he wants to wonder how I handle all this ‘bad luck’. He complained previously of being stressed out, he is losing his remaining teeth, constantly eating sugar candies.
I said life is random, if I demand the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune shouldn’t happen, I’ll be asking that my next lover or art patron won’t arrive either.
High tolerance of frustration is the key to success in any endeavor, including, being alive. It doesn’t mean being comfortable it means tolerating discomfort.
Like if he went to the dentist he would learn to tolerate it, and find out it’s less discomfort than not going and having teeth rotting in your head.
Like going to the tranny shop and basically making a new car. Runs like a new car and it’s time consuming and expensive to attain. Short term pain for long term gain.
Then he reveals his source of anxiety: “I suppose God wouldn’t give you what you can’t handle.” I said if you believe that. I prefer to think that events are 50% a pain and 50% not, random, like throwing a coin.
I used to agree with him, avoid the dentist and other self helping discomforts. In return for lifelong discomfort. A very poor trade off.
So my limited budget is more limited than before. I can learn to tolerate this discomfort by making my own coffee to go, rather than Starbucks for example, focusing on how well I am budgeting and enjoying the coffee costing me 25 cents rather than $3.50.
I can go for drives with my camera because the car is cheap to operate and fun to drive.
I can enjoy my hobby of reading and building my library, The Library of The Duchy of Jerald.
See? Already I’m having fun and my teeth and car are healthy.
Why do you enjoy the Internet?
pen pals from the entire world
and video chats
just like Dick Tracy, sorta
oh and cats
I really like cats