and suddenly you wake up
and the world is no longer
the ambulance driver is an ultra conservative jock jerk
sit down before you fall on someone !
as you try to say you need the washroom
your mouth no longer works
you can no longer swallow
with force of will
over 6 months
you climb out of bed
you climb out of the wheelchair
two years goes by
you discard the walker
50% you don’t use the cane
every other day
you are in the gym
you live in a province of fascists
who hate you
you use their taxes
to live on
you are disorderly
you aren’t special
as you compete ‘unfairly’ for the sympathy
that they ‘deserve’ for their plight
their world is unfair
Hard Luck Rivalry
behind the eugenics
Hitler sent you to the camps
they bump you on the stairs at the gym
as you struggle down
unable to get out of their way
like hockey bully enforcers
on the hard ice
of no social skills
or else they force their
standing at the top of the stairs
holding the door open
showing their physical superiority
standing in the doorway
so you can’t get past
a no win situation
smell their armpit
or suffer their displeasure
and risk their complaint but
not realizing they are on camera
‘both of us won’t fit in that door’
‘I’m holding it open for you’
‘both of us won’t fit in that door’
fine then and
stomps off like an angry 4 year old
as narcissist coward predators hunt victims that can’t fight back
this is the new normal
she said she would contact me for coffee
people have a right to change their minds
people have a right to be liars and con-artists
devastation is a choice
liars lie because they are liars so they should lie
based on evidence
no response is a response
Why should I invest in you — when you are my inferior? An in-valid.
They treated me with obvious goodwill and kindness.
How to tell?
Same way you tell anywhere.
Of my self reliant adulthood,
Willing to be available if asked
I must be liked and accepted or I am a shit
So I will do this for you at great cost to myself
So I may signal my virtue
I must be liked. So don’t get in my way and compete with me for likes.
For you must do the right thing, whatever I decide that is
or you are a shit
and I can’t stand this inconvenience.
Most people are crazy because they need to be liked – Albert Ellis
I highly prefer to be liked and accepted but I don’t HAVE to be. I never have been 100% and I never will be, stroke or no stroke.
I highly prefer others do the right thing, whatever I decide that is, but they don’t HAVE to. They never have and they never will, stroke or no stroke.
I highly prefer no inconveniences in my life but I don’t HAVE to have that. I never had that and I never will, stroke or no stroke.
There is only one of me.
I am a unique individual, one of a kind.
Therefore I have value,Whether I am young
Fat or thin
Tall or short
I accept myself as a unique work of art
Person of limitless possibilities (I think of Steven Hawking, wheelchair bound, immobile, scientist, professor, husband and father if I happen to contemplate my `inability’ to create satisfaction in my life)
Because:I am always in this process of change
Therefore:I cannot be a finished perfect`Anything’ (Insert label here [if you must])
This imperfection (by definition) has no bearing whatsoever
On my `value’ or `worth’
I have value or worth because I am a unique one of a kind piece of very fine constantly evolving art that has perhaps not existed before and perhaps may not again
And in my mind, so are you.
So I take pleasure in you, simply because I want it,
A real Treasure.
So, living alone with my cat, I woke up confused, my arm and leg sometimes working In that moment I lost my home, my cat and everything I owned, including friends/family that wouldn’t even visit in the coming months. 1/
But I had rebtnetwork.org taught to me on facebook by a guy dying of liver cancer and not upset about it . If it is to be it is up to me.OK then. Paddy Johnson @artfcity suggested a gofundme Cliff Eyland @CliffEyland bought a print and he donated as well 2/
this got my possessions into storage and coffee money and kept my cell phone going. my facebook and twitter friends I had never met but like me donated. so I wrote 2 books on a tablet in the hosp coffee shop each morning before physio. my narcissist fiance never showed once 3/
so I learned about female narcissism https://shrink4men.com/ and wrote about my experience of it. my single mother was one so I had raised myself in the library, lonely and anxious always and here life was repeating, I was in trouble and alone, but the same tools I could read 4/
write and learn. So I did. So I am. Since the stroke didn’t affect my cognitive functions I was able to search out psychological help, and the hospital gave me physical help. 5000.00 a day for a bed, nurses, 4 specialists, physio, for 6 months and 3 months outpatient at unknown 5/
cost. Recently a twitter writer bought my book and offered to review it in trade for reviewing hers. So I did. She described mine as self pity and couldn’t understand the personal history format I learned from reading the New Yorker mag. No empathy for any loss but hers 6/
If it is to be it is up to me, If I were to be heavily reliant on others, rather than appropriately so, teachers, mechanics, doctors etc I would not like myself or my life. This my responsibility, to create satisfaction, this is the purpose of life to find satisfaction 7/
For instance an attractive woman sidles up to me in the grocery, I am pushing a cart, my cane is obvious, a wedding ring on her hand. Oh you poor man! in a seductive tone, how can I help? 8/
Help? I don’t obviously require any, she must be in this to look good, uh ok what are your feelings on adultery, I ask? Offended that she should be seen as fucking less than the most physically able specimen, she leaves with an awful look on her face. This makes my day 🙂
The photoshopper is an armed version of the solitary walker reconnoitering, stalking, cruising the internet urban inferno, the voyeuristic stroller who discovers the net as a landscape of voluptuous extremes.
Adept of the joys of watching, connoisseur of empathy, the flâneur finds the world on the net “picturesque.”— paraphrased adaption of Susan Sontag, On Photography p.55
all humour is inappropriate
like an extemporaneous nipple
appropriateness is fascism
all sex is masturbation
choosing who to socialize ones masturbation with
is called adult choices
all people have the right to change their mind
one word: satisfaction
I prefer is two